bla

the design of d house is nice. but in my opinion, the gate is a lil too big, which makes the front looks small. i like the victorian-era-lamps-beside-the-gate. unlike mine which are 2 white plain balls, boring-nya. i love seeing big-self-design houses. ok, who doest? there were times i drove around damansara heights just to see houses. i will bring along my camera to capture nice houses one day.





a talented guy that i really respect, stays in this town. what really captured my attention was the roundabouts!!



am feeling physically tired now. but because of insomnia, i know i will not fall asleep although lying on d bed. dark cicles around my eyes are gonna be visible SOON! i dont want to be like wuwu's panda eyes!!

i hate myself.

i wish that somebody kidnap me while am in d nite market.
then several days later, suffocate me
n stuff me into a sports bag.
and leave it at a noticable place.
i hate myself.
why God doesnt wanna take away peeps who hate themselves?
why He wants ppl to suffer?
why He doesnt wanna fulfill my ideal death?
(well its not being kidnap la, my ideal death is something else)
frankly speaking
there were several times i wanna end my life
by strangling myself and suffocate using pillow
while having difficulty breathing
a reminder saying "u havent accomplished ur missions"
so i released myself
coughed
breathed for air.

i pity Nurin. i still dont believe that the dead girl pic is her. it looks different. the mouths, eyes r different, but not d noses. however DNA says it all.

this week.

last week's lunch!

mon :: mcdees' banana pie and apple pie
tuesday :: mcdees fries
wed :: mcchicken, fries, coke
fri :: 2 hashbrowns

i am devoted to mcdees. i havent been eating mcdees since sept last year, coz i was totally broke. i gotta used my allowances, which is not much, for my tuition with a group of frens. am glad i pass that subject. i vowed that i need to pass it no matter what. because it was so sickening to drive to fren's place using federal highway at 6pm and only could reach home at 10pm. sickening shit really. and i hate that place.

i have a serious insomnia illness i guess. i had 2 hours of sleep at d wee hours on wed before dragging myself out from the bed. i was damn pissed as soon as my alarm rang coz i only managed to sleep properly minutes b4 it rang. after d lecturer dismissed us, i woudnt stand due to my headache, and thus went to d library to take a nap - 90 minutes!!! and again today, i had headache, worse that wed's. went to library, couldnt sleep properly, thus flagging a cab, and headed home. took 5 hours of sleep. i can afford to hail a cab to go home now provided that i dun spend my money on mcdees happy meal set everyday.


i have class on every sat.. sighhhh. kinda tired having only one day of rest in a week and this gonna prolong till april!!

why did he bring up d question??

devastated but thankful.

i passed a piece of paper to my dad, written my subjects fees on it. feeling insecured with the number, as it is claimed to bring bad luck among the chinese community. i am not a superstitious to some extend, however the number 4400 makes me even wanna study harder. am TOO afraid that TheMighty will fail my final year despite having to study very extremely hard. it may happen. it may not. ooh, my final year, come on!!!

dad :: are u really serious with ur studies? (as he was looking at d paper)
me :: yes, of course! (his words really upset me greatly)

i dont know why he questioned with that? puzzled. upset. dissapointed. maybe he is upset after i have burnt 243 pounds last week. lol.

i have put my soul and heart in d exam 5 mths ago. i have studied consistently from sept 2006 to may 2007. i stayed in the library for at least 4 days in a week, at least 5 hours of studies in a day, ok maybe 30 minutes perday in d library to chat with frens and luncheon. i am not bragging or whateva shit, but its d truth. call me a nerd, i dont care! call me a studious student, i dont mind! i just dont understand why he didnt see my mundane activities for 9 months. i didnt complain during that duration, coz all i want is to get thru. all my hard work i did, getting thru my 2nd year clean and cut, but the end results, he isnt satisfied. its a very rare occasion that a student studying u0l will get above 70+ in ALL subjects. its even difficult to hit 71. dont believe me? check out NST or STAR newspaper ystday's or today's, ATC u0l - LLB results released which covered a whole full page, u will see majority that hit A is at 70. SELDOM examiners generously reward 70 above. a fren took LLB UOL said "second upper class is like first class in whateva courses". agree.

back to d story. i didnt get A. just B and 3C's. yah, i know i may be dumb to some coz of the un-impressive grades. i am upset more than anybody else. however, i gotta b satisfied with it, what else can i ask for????!!!! anyhow, he shouldnt asked me that question. if i wasnt serious, i would have break my guts and tell him that i would like to pursue another course which is easier 2 yrs back.

back to history :: after pre-uni, i dont know what to pursue, so he told me to take that course. i blindly followed his advice, google about this school, its reputation, its ranking in guardian uk. i didnt know that the ranking is close to cambridgeoxfordsoboring. am glad that i took his advice, although i dont say "THANK YOU, DAD" to him, but deep down in my heart i really appreciate what he has done. he knows lse is tough, and yet .............. am speechless.

on the other hand, am glad that he asked me that question. it has awaken me.

"wake up, no more summer holz, its over. get back to ur bookworm mode."

so i took out my notes, and tried to read, ooh gosh, its difficult to digest the knowledge.

*

sitting in the lib,
catching a financial reporting book,
feeling a moment of silent,
feeling a moment of loneliness,
feeling something is missing.

flipping the pages,
reading sentence by sentence,
reading between d words,
nothing came into me,

thinking whether to take up,
law of organization theory or,
marketing or,
further mathematics for economists.
its annoying that i want a calculation sub,
but the fact is feeling uncertain that i could get at least B.

occupying my time,
thinking what to substitute tht subs,
no ppl i could talk to,
no ppl i could refer to,

i am feeling lonely,
in the lib,
the familiar faces tat i used to see,
arent here anymore.

we used to hang out in each other cubicles,
we used to ask each others' progresses,
we used to complete our work together,

for d past 3 yrs,when whoever passed by my cubicle,
i will look up,
to see if anybody i know, i can greet,
then we would take a few minutes to chat.

today, i look up numerous times when i heard feets walking towards me,
to my disappointment,
those faces arent familiar,
its a habit to look up,
but now,
it gotta b scapred off,
i miss my friends.....

yes i know
"what is passed is pased..."

what say u,babe

::lilgirl wrote this::

::lilgirl showed me this::

::responding her with::

::making her jealous with::


we communicate using photos. am waiting for her to response. haha. i dun know how old is she, should be less than 12 yrs old. so young yet know how to snatch my boifren.. sad case!

i know u dont understand this post. nvm. in economics, we call it SELF-SATISFACTION.

hungry

ooh dear..
strong craving for
+fried carrot cake
+sushis
+waffer
+vanilla con ice-cream in jaya
+cold drinks
+pringles
+piece of cake
+'lo shi fun' in sri emas
+kiwi

i had d desire to go to hypermarket and stock up my food. soon tmw i will b contented.

no more

" yuran persekolahan di sekolah rendah dan menengah akan dimansuhkan pada january 2008"

:there will be pro and cons to this:

pro
+its a very good news for below average families as their chidren can get education for free in non-private schools. am glad that everybody is having education in my beloved country.

cons
+students will not go to school frequently coz they believe "no need to pay school fees, i dont wanna go to school la, will just attend tuitions".
+young teachers will slack coz they know students arent require to pay school fees, thus dedication in holding their responsibilities declining, "mereka tak payah bayar yuran, maka saya tak nak ajar betul-betul, buang masa saja".
+students attendances will decline kua.


how come prices and taxes on alcohols and tobaccos arent in d budget 2008, which usually will catch lots of peeps attention?

wake me up when sept comes

this is the most need-to-build-my-momentum-month. why? college starting after 3 pure months of holidays. first time in history to skip whateva lectures in d first week not coz of frens influences, the fact is not many frens are with me now. they are officially graduated. its the end of our battle in d lib with charles, thanner, irvin, annie. no chances to ask smarty june n cm. jo will not be attending classes in coll as her subjects will not b offering and thus she will be entirely self study. left cl, ah, yy n fw, those seldom come to coll but often go to gym 100metres away. funny isnt it. so basically, i will have lunch alone, perhaps no lunch coz it looks pathetic to eat economy rice alone, if desperately need food, then it will be mcdees or 'lo shi fun' or fried rice it has lots of varities in the very-fast-service-place. oops, havent answered my own Q ie why i didnt attend lectures - coz the results came out late, and dun know what classes to attend. i tried my pen from my 12inches pencil case, and it as dried off, this is d result of not using it for months after exam. i need to brush up on my handwritting. i wrote 'cakar ayam' in my forms.



month of burning santa's money and toast it. by today gotta pay 243 pounds (read it again) for registration fees. too lazy to go coll today, so i will be handing it next week. if they dont wanna receive it, i will courier to uk. not a problem. last year, it was 235 pounds. previous year was 228 pounds. can u see growing numbers? u0l knows how to eat our money. not to forget the exam fees to pengarah peperiksaan increase annually too. last year was rm1110 per sub. my first year was rm10somethingsomething. all this not inclusive of tuition fees to my dearest coll.

notes::
"Tickets for convocation: Graduates will not be charged for admission. However there will be a charge of 45 pound for each guest. The initial ticket is restricted to 3 guests per graduate. We hope there may be some spare seats, but this will not be known until after the closing date. If you would like to apply for additional guest tickets, please contact the Ceremonies Office on or after 8th Feb 2008 and we will put your name on a waiting list.", i read.

neeway, to cut the story short, there is a price to get the best, isnt it?!



month of bdays. last year i asked a fren "why in september, so many peeps bday?". fren agreed. i answered my own Q "their parents make love in january, maybe coz of new-year-new-revolution-thingy or maybe its after CNY and relatives persuaded them to have child." thats the best answer i can think of. if you dont get it, go and have a look in your calendar and count!



Quote::
You should be thankful, grateful and glad for achieving/having something better than others, although you are unsatisfied with what you have now. am officially a final year student, thanks for answering me.

Its time for me to fulfill my promises and words to avoid being strike by lightning. Piano, here i come :(

Am laughing at something in my facebook. it said am "the most outgoing, the best scientist, the best public speaker, the most studious"! This is so not right. Maybe i USED to have numerous trips to malls. Maybe i talk lots of rubbish and earned the best public speaker. Maybe i always talk bout library. But i cant answer on the best scientist. I dont remember doing an experiment all by myself coz peeps always wanna take the responsibilities. Anyhow, i will take all those comments as compliments. thanks thanks thanks.