i just cant believe that u said i am a burden to u. am i really a burden to u for d past 23 yrs? u said that coz i dont own some assets u have right now? sometimes u complain that i interupt ur day for sending me to college, for making u rush like mad after picking me up from college before dinner time, for making u stuck in d bloody traffic jam. am just sick of cold and silent treatments when we argued about ur car and d moments we were in d car and money issue. i know and u know that am not capable of having what u have now, and is this d way u r gonna make me suffer? all i could do to entertain and make myself satisfy, is by throwing my face out from d car windscreen and roll my eyes. there were many times i wish i am not who and what and where i am. there was once i wrote "i hate this life" on a piece of paper and left it on a table purposely for u to see it. and u were very angry that i hated my life. i have always wish that i was never born in this world. i know i have said to u 25 months ago that "i am not a perfect daughter u wanted unlike other ppl's daughter" and i never talked to u for 2.5 months except d moment i told u i need few thousands for some stuffs. i didnt really communicate to u during CNY 2 yrs back. i was in my own world for 3 months or more. and after 25 months later, u give me d same ole' treatments. and is this how am i gonna start my new year and celebrate chinese new year? chinese new year has no meaning to me since 6 years ago. i guess this year's occasion will be like last year's whereby again i didnt communicate to u while we were at a relative's house. i remembered vividly that all i did was played with my cousin's shihtzu d whole time before it was time to go to penang. i never like cny, and still hating it and never gonna love it until someone makes me believe that cny is a happy-get-together occasion shit.
i could forsee that we will be learning how to deal with each other soon when i am not around for quite sometime later this year. i just cant wait for this to happen when u will feel something is incomplete ie i wont be around for months, baby......
soon......
soon....
soon...
soon..
soon.
soon
am currently listening to a korean song... its all in korean but there are some english lyrics in it that goes "...i will never cry...."
when i see this kinda emo lyrics, it makes me stronger. no wonder i like fergie's "big girls dont cry".
p/s: dun ever tell me to appreciate what i have now, and regret it later in my life when i lost it. neeway i think my doctor overdosed me n i dun feel hungry, its like i am always feeling full eventhough i havent been eating for hours. i havent been eating a proper meal for more than 24 hours. ystday's lunch - proper rice and dishes, dinner had mihun. today's breakfast had a cup of drink and few slices of bread, lunch had cheesetart, and its 930pm now and i havent eaten my dinner.
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2 comments:
Wow we're entering into our 18th year of friendship!! How amazing is that? Hmm.. even though you mentioned don't tell you to appreciate what you have now, I am here to tell you to appreciate what you have now while you still can.
I don't know exactly what you're going through but I would like to share this with you. I used to be very bitter towards my parents in primary. I hated myself because being often compared to other people. I hated my parents. I hated people around me. I often questioned why I'm born to this family. Why they don't love me? They should have dump me aside and not letting me suffer all these. I don't deserve to be treated like that. I was really a bitter child and was so rebellious. Always throwing my tantrum. The hatred in me towards my dad was very strong too.
Things began to take a turn when I accepted Jesus. I began to see things differently and things began to change for the better. I realized that it's not by any coincidence I'm born to this family. There's a reason and it's divine arrangement. Out of so many billion of people, God chose them to be my parents. It's something that I can never change. All the bitterness and hatred began to subside and now love is shared.
Then only I realized that God wanted me to go through all these to experience His love. He wants me to go through all these so that in future I can share it with my friends of what I've been through and what I learn from this.
I learned that I actually do not have much time to spend with my parents. We really can't predict what's going to happen. Life is really fragile. I hope that by sharing this with you can cheer and encourage you a bit.
Always know that God is with us in ALL circumstances. He's always there, He's just waiting for us to call out unto Him. I pray that things will turn out better for you. I'll keep you in my prayers. If you need someone to talk to, give me a call yea! Take care my 18 years of friendship friend! Let's meet up soon, I still owe you a dinner ;)
HUGSSS!!! :D
MandeeeeeQ~ LOL. I just wanna inform u that SuJu will have their concert this year~ Wanna go? MUAHAHAHA XD
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